I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
