True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
