God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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