I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
