My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
