i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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