I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
