His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who died my cat blue again?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
