I showed him my bush... on skype.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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