Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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