Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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