You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
