we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
