They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize