be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
