bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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