I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
