I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
