so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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