and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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