I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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