If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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