My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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