I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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