OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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