omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
