Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
