Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
