im about as happy as oj after his trial
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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