It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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