I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
