It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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