Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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