I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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