I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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