I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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