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I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
