its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
