come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
