if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride