the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.