Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?

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(312): You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend? http://tfl.nu/xot8

Replies (23) Good night (676) Bad night (1972)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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(267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/qmj6

Replies (102) Good night (1413) Bad night (3827)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?

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(570): Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips? http://tfl.nu/n3qx

Replies (19) Good night (3361) Bad night (3482)
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(360): View more from Washington

He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.

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(360): He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one. http://tfl.nu/lrzn

Replies (9) Good night (7094) Bad night (1085)
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(804): View more from Virginia

They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.

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(804): They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dkws

Replies (4) Good night (3096) Bad night (805)
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(607): View more from New York

I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.

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(607): I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex. http://tfl.nu/9fy5

Replies (14) Good night (4429) Bad night (903)
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(802): View more from Vermont

He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.

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(802): He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass. http://tfl.nu/9wu9

Replies (23) Good night (2603) Bad night (851)
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(517): View more from Michigan

Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?

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(517): Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night? http://tfl.nu/i8wb

Replies (1) Good night (1004) Bad night (586)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!

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(910): It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed! http://tfl.nu/bbxy

Replies (10) Good night (1992) Bad night (859)
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(661): View more from California

How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.

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(661): How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents. http://tfl.nu/nsw6

Replies (17) Good night (626) Bad night (1300)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.

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(480): Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night. http://tfl.nu/s016

Replies (9) Good night (1528) Bad night (423)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.

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(307): I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life. http://tfl.nu/xy78

Replies (4) Good night (487) Bad night (330)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.

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(215): Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it. http://tfl.nu/dtmi

Replies (4) Good night (355) Bad night (636)
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(904): View more from Florida

Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.

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(904): Im wearing a bra. Made of paint. http://tfl.nu/e0s1

Replies (6) Good night (955) Bad night (265)
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(858): View more from California

Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.

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(858): Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke. http://tfl.nu/9t6d

Replies (2) Good night (638) Bad night (303)

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