We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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