I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I look better un-naked...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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