i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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