i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.