I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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