Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
