Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
