Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
