were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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