Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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