I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
