peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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