I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
