I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
