I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
