I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I could have mohawked her pubes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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