It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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