I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
