I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The convent might be a nice break from real life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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