Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
