You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
