Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
