We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
