I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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