wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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