I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
