Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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