A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
