Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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