I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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