I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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