If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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