It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
