Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
