found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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