You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
