You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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