So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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